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At 25, I have a lot going on. I usually waste my time thinking of my next travel, when I will finally have the courage to enroll in graduate school, when and will I ever be promoted at work, if I can finish law school or if MBA is better suited for me and a whole lot more. There is that constant reminder that time is running out but I just can’t figure what to do next.

I know my concerns are petty and perhaps others my age don’t actually bother themselves with these. How I wish I’m the type but it’s innate to me to concern myself with all these freakin’ mature and boring stuff.  I love writing aimlessly to show just how things are pretty messed-up in my head. Thoughts just come rushing from all directions.

You know how they say you should prioritize, that I think I have yet to learn. Fuck those who’s got it all figured-out. And yeah, I doubt if someone really has it all figured out. I’ve gotta be honest though, I envy, if insecure is a little too much for my ego, those who’s got it all figured out.

And just like that Nickelback’s song, I say: ”I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame. I’d even cut my hair and change my name”.

This was totally pointless. Blame it on the age. Peace!

2010 has been a very blessed year for me and family. It has been a year of both blessings and trials but I would like to just learn and not-forget the lessons of the trials and focus on the blessings. This year I got to spend time with my family not just during this holiday break, they visited me in Manila last June. Let’s put it at that even when the fact of the matter is, they flew to Manila to have the my Nanay’s supposed operation turned-out mis-diagnosis - thank God big time.

This year I was able to travel more. Boracay in February, La Union/Baguio I think in March, Ilocos Sur and Norte recently and yeah, you can include it maybe, Zambales this December. I included more travel in my faith goals January this year. It was an answered prayer.

At work, I moved to a new role last August which honestly I am not sure if wise but I am grateful anyway. Some good things happened at work too although I can hardly recall any now, I’m sure there are a lot. For one thing, a good friend Mak was hired, we are now on the same team. It was nice having Mak around – also from UPLB. Not to mention, I eat his biscuits, use his charger, he loans me cellphone credits and at times cash. Some not so good news, my good friend Elisa moved to a different team. Although everyone tries to make it as is she hasn’t, truth is difference in schedules do a lot of things. My buddy Leianne even moved out of the company, she’s got a new job now. Sad we didn’t have enough time to work together and be more than teammates but friends. And of course Leebye got accepted in the States so she also left the company and now she is teaching while studying in Michigan which by the way, I intend to do as well.

Another good friend, Kristeen, one of my really good friends, left for abroad as well. She is now in Abu Dabhi. Well, it’s her taking out of her comfort zone and pursuing her dreams so I really am happy for her. By the way, she is now on a 28-hr birthday (Happy Birthday Teen) and probably waiting for some important phone calls from here, back home.

Okay, well my thoughts are bit disorganized and i’m sorry about that.

And oh, did I mention this is like my best Christmas ever so far? Why? Well, my family and I spent Christmas with the families of my two other Titas. It was the first if my memory serves me right. It was nice to see how we’ve miss each other and how at the same time we’ve grown apart thru the years. We were able to catch up with what’s happening with each other’s life. My Tito from my father side was there too which by the way is one of my two favorite Titos. My other favorite Tito finally got married at 50. Good for him although it’s at the same time sad because we we’re n’t there to witness it. My mother was diagnosed to have tumor on her pancreas May this year and was later found to be not true – this I think is one of my best miracles this year. My sister is still in college and for that I am truly grateful. My youngest brother didn’t make it to graduation last March but is now trying to finish it this semester – so help him God. One of my cousins finally got a decent job which I am very proud – congratulations Mau!

I also received a lot of gifts this Christmas. Among my favorites were one gallon of fresh buko, one bilao of pancit palabok, Starbucks GCs and leche plan. This year I also got into the free fitness program of the company, free membership at Gold’s Gym, which I have been waiting for quite a while now.

This is what I get for being too lazy to write and having too many things to say. So at this point, I would like to talk about what the meaning of Christmas is for me this year. It is forgiveness. Being forgiven so we can  forgive. Funny how my other friend Allen wrote on his blog about forgiveness too. I just realized how important is forgiveness for everyone. First forgiveness from God. We should seek forgiveness from Him for all the things we’ve done to hurt him. Next, live out that forgiveness from God. Many times, we will find ourselves unworthy of the blessings because of the wrongs we’ve done but God’s love is constant. There is nothing that we can do to make God love us more or less. God’s forgiveness allows us to enjoy his presence and his blessings alike. Next is the forgiveness we give to people around us. The only people who can hurt us the most are the people that matters to us the most as well. In as much as we should be forgiven and seek forgiveness, it is equi-important (if there is such a word) that we forgive. Forgive everyone, including those not important to us. I think for may of us we need to forgive ourselves too. The thing with UNforgiveness is it keeps us from being maximized by God, keep us from being our best version of ourselves. Too often, the one who have wronged has had already moved on with their lives and it’s only us who is holding on to that petty hurt or perhaps serious hurt. You see, every time you replay that vivid scene of how they hurt or humiliate us, the pain feels fresh again. And we start to hate people again and we start to figure how we can get even. We don’t realize how anger and hatred and bitterness and jealousy have taken over our hearts. Again these emotions keep us from being the best and enjoying the so many blessings the Lord has in store for us. It destroys you, it keeps you a prisoner to that self-imposed prison of bitterness and hatred. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the absence of pain but rather is a decision to forgive and forget every waking moment. Some say it is impossible to forget, it maybe but it’s a lot easier if we try to. Don’t let unforgiveness keeps you from being blessed and from reaching our potentials. Decide now, ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness. Ask the Lord to search your heart and expose those people you need to forgive and those things we need to ask forgiveness for.

There is now better way to start the year than a clean slate.

So, I sounded a bit preachy there but I just wanted to share what’s inside my heart. I hope that we all have a meaningful Christmas. I will be writing my faith goals for 2011 soon and yes, I am planning of sharing it here as well.

Sorry for the incoherence of this entry. And good night. Will probably edit this by tomorrow if my I get to wake up early and I still have surfing credits.

___

/to edit

The thing with familiarity is that it makes you insensitive. But it’s not gonna be worth my time and effort. So, I’ll just shrug it off.  Amp.

Goodnight!

How many simple yet beautiful things we overlooked simply by just being in a hurry? So I decided to make it a walk in the park. In deed it was a walk in the park that night. The Ayala Ave was glittering with its fascinating display of lights! The busy streets, the towering buildings, all of it. The beauty that is truly Makati.

That’s about it! Maybe, we need to slow down sometimes and learn to appreciate the little things we have. How about you, are you ready to slow down?

I suddenly have reasons to be happy. Good book. Good music, Country Music (http://www.live365.com/index.live). Good conversations. Plus, unconsciously I was able to define my short-term goal for the next three years – to finish masters.

At this point, I am happy I know what I want for the next three years but in the coming weeks I have to decide what to take up and where. As some of you may know, I have started applying to schools and Teaching Assistantship grant as well. My only concern is that I may not be happy with Statistics after all. Yeah, it looks like I’m yet to throw a lot of thinking into this.

But still, I’m overwhelmed with things I should be grateful for. Music and books. Friends and conversations. Long weekend. Thank you Lord.

Couldn’t get enough of books. Books are one of the coolest things ever existed on earth.