Archive for October, 2009

Early Twenties Crisis

October 12, 2009

I am deeply troubled right now. Lately, things and circumstances would point me to the thought of what I want to do and what I want to be in this life. Before, I used to be the person who knows what I want but I guess not now. With the so many things I have been through, I don’t know what I want anymore.

There is this part of me that tells me to determine what exactly I want. That way, I can focus all my efforts toward achieving whatever that is. I was thinking this is better because if you know what you want then everything you do right now can be aligned with that ultimate dream. Every decision that I do right now is in accordance to the realization of that goal. That is easier said than done. If this is the case, then the bigger problem is determining what your ultimate goal is. At this point, I don’t know what I want anymore. I am at this point in my life where I just go with the flow. I struggle waking up every morning to go to work on time. At work, I sometimes give my best but most of the time my goal is just to finish my work on time. I spend long hours in the internet after work just to busy myself then I will go home late sit in front of my TV till I can’t open my eyes anymore and eventually go to bed. I don’t even have time to do some household chores so obviously my unit isn’t that well kept. That’s how I live my life now, lost and barely getting by. There are times, I get fired up by what I see on TV or by conversations with friends but when laziness strikes everything changes. I’m back to the mediocre me. I feel like I’m stuck in this hopeless situation and hoping that some extra terrestrial powers will change my situation. I know this sound like a big looser but that’s exactly how I feel right now. I don’t know what and where it all went wrong but I just woke up one day and there, a different Richard from the one perhaps the many know.

This sucks big time. My friend Jester told me to ask God to help me find answers. I guess, he is right but I doubt I can do that. I hardly even pray these times. He said I maybe in an early twenties crisis. What the hell is that for?

Anyways, I have a lot of thoughts and things I want to say but I’m afraid I’m too sleepy to type so maybe if I get deeply troubled again one of these days I’ll get to write again. But for now, I just need a drink, take a piss and go to bed. Hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

Night. By the way, I think I’m feeling OK now. Could it be that my calling is to be a writer? Who knows?

Gloom

October 9, 2009

As I wake up this morning and I look up at the vast sky, it saddens me. The sun is trying to penetrate the dark gray clouds. Many times, just like the sun, we try our darnest to penetrate that dark gray clouds. Its gloomy friday but the thought that this is temporary gives me courage to go through my day.

Smile. 😛

Shut Up

October 7, 2009

Sa maraming pagkakataon mas pinipili ko ang manahimik, ang hindi ang magsalita. Sa mga pagkakataong pwede akong magbigay ng katuwiran at magpaliwanag, mas pipiliin ko ang sarilinin ang aking pananaw. Hindi sa wala akong masabi, o wala akong katuwiran pero sa aking palagay hindi lahat ng tao ay deserving karapatdapat sa mga sasabihin ko. Mas madalas, naiisip ko sakin na lang yung naiisip ko, sayang lang pagod ko kung pipilitin kong ipaintindi sa kanya ang katuwiran ko kung gayung alam ko na naman na hindi nya ako iintindihin o maiintindihan.

Minsan yung boss ko, kadalasan meron siyang sasabihin sakin at sa bawat pagkakataong ganun, mayroon akong naiisip na isasagot sa kanya o paliwanag baga pero sa halos lahat ng pagkakataong ganun, pinipili ko ang hindi magsalita at mangatuwiran at bagkos ay sumangayun at tapusin na ang diskusyun. Pero, sa mga pagkakataong ginagawa ko ang manahimik at piliin ang hindi sumagot, mas pakiramdamdam ko ay nagiging managanda and resulta at higit na katahimikan ng loob ang nadarama ko. Pakiramdam ko sa bawat pagkakataong ganun, vindicated ako.

Madalas ding isipin ng madami na ako ay suplado o ako ay mayabang dahil hindi ako madalas na umimik at madalas ay nagmamasid lang. Ganoon din, parang ang aking katahimikan ay isang sagradong lugar na kung saan ako lang at ang mga bagay na gusto ko lang ang nandoon. Paraiso, ika nga.

Marahil hindi mo maiintindihan kung ano ang tinutukoy ko pero siguro darating ka din sa puntong masasabing “ah, this is what he’s talking about“.

*sarap magsulat sa tagalog* 😛

Forgiveness 101

October 7, 2009

I may not be the best person to perhaps write this article as I myself am personally challenged to forgive as well. I always find myself struggling to forget more than forgiving. But, i guess this doesn’t really discount me the right so I’ll write it anyway.

I have friend who was cheated on by her boyfriend but decided to forgive him. She gave up her career and went home to the province to be with her guy. Ten months later she found the SIM card she bought for him so that they can take advantage of the unlimited call service. To her dismay the SIM only contains two numbers, hers and the other woman.

She flared-up and in seconds it all came back. So vividly she felt the pain, so real, smashing  her again.

Many times, we find ourselves in the same situation. And it really is not easy. So what do we do or how can we help others we know who until now are hurting and still struggling to forgive.

First, it is important to acknowledge the pain. It means a lot if you know someone understands your pain. Let her vent out, listen and acknowledge them.

Second, once the person calmed down, it is important to remind them that forgiving means forgiving and at the same time forgetting. It is not forgiveness at all when it is not accompanied by forgetting. Forgiveness is 10% a decision and 90% forgetting. Another important thing the other person needs to understand is that forgiveness doesn’t mean the absence of pain.

For most cases, forgiving is not a one time event. Most of the time, we have to forgive the same person everyday. Lastly, it is important to make them realize that it is not them against the other person but rather them together against the nightmare and the pain.

I hope that my points above would be helpful in our daily conduct of business and even to our personal relationship. Have a baggage-free Wednesday everyone. 😛

Just (Can’t) Do It

October 3, 2009

I didn’t know I’ll get to write again. Today is September 27, 2009 and its 11:58PM as I write this. Tropical Depression Ondoy just hit Manila and other nearby provinces. Leaving a lot of families homeless, probably soaking wet, hungry, tired, cold, and hopeless, or worse dead. I saw reports about the casualties of this storm on TV earlier.

The rain has not stopped but the water had subsided, from hip level to perhaps a little above your ankle. From where I am right now, my bed near the window, I can hear noise. Noise from vehicles stuck along the Osmena High Way which at this point I guess are moving perhaps in a turtle-slow pace.

The rain doesn’t sadden me but the fact that I could have made a difference or helped in my own way the people who were directly hit and I didn’t does. Instead of offering those stuck in traffic something to drink or something to warm their stomach I decided to indulge into a pint of Selecta’s Gold series ice cream. I guess a little too selfish.

I wonder why I get the awkward feeling whenever I try to help others. Perhaps, I am not that willing after all that’s why I can afford not to. Or perhaps little by little I’m gaining that confidence and one of these days my passion will be translated to concrete actions.

I may not have much but one thing is for sure I am willing to help in any way possible. In my younger years, I certainly knew that I have the heart to help. I easily get burdened by others’ pain. I pray that sooner I’ll be able to do as I dream.

I salute those people who have dedicated their lives in helping those who are in need. The rescue teams, the government, politicians, the firemen, the MMDA, the private organizations, the media people, and especially those unsung heroes who didn’t need recognition for them to help. I am writing this to let you know that your efforts are ALL highly appreciated. In the same way, I am writing this for those who like me, think that they are too small and don’t have enough to make a difference. I believe, willingness is all it takes. And if we are willing, we will be amazed as to how far that willingness can take us. No one is prepared and no one has enough, so better yet, let’s do it.

I believe in the goodness that is in all of us. Goodness that is inside of each of us, waiting to be awakened, reignited, and put into action. The best time to put that passion into action is now. Go out there and be always on the look out for an opportunity to help. Go and spread the love.

And this world will be a better place. 😛

*posted late*

Hi WordPress

October 3, 2009

Hi! My name is Richard H. Guanco. I am a Statistician by profession but currently an SAP Technology Consultant and a struggling blogger.

For quite sometime now, I been wanting to create an account here where I can share my take on things and simply express myself. The sole purpose of this site is for me to share to the whole world my thoughts and hopefully for them to learn a thing or two from me.

Enjoy reading and please feel free to leave your comments. Thank you for visiting my site.