Early Twenties Crisis

I am deeply troubled right now. Lately, things and circumstances would point me to the thought of what I want to do and what I want to be in this life. Before, I used to be the person who knows what I want but I guess not now. With the so many things I have been through, I don’t know what I want anymore.

There is this part of me that tells me to determine what exactly I want. That way, I can focus all my efforts toward achieving whatever that is. I was thinking this is better because if you know what you want then everything you do right now can be aligned with that ultimate dream. Every decision that I do right now is in accordance to the realization of that goal. That is easier said than done. If this is the case, then the bigger problem is determining what your ultimate goal is. At this point, I don’t know what I want anymore. I am at this point in my life where I just go with the flow. I struggle waking up every morning to go to work on time. At work, I sometimes give my best but most of the time my goal is just to finish my work on time. I spend long hours in the internet after work just to busy myself then I will go home late sit in front of my TV till I can’t open my eyes anymore and eventually go to bed. I don’t even have time to do some household chores so obviously my unit isn’t that well kept. That’s how I live my life now, lost and barely getting by. There are times, I get fired up by what I see on TV or by conversations with friends but when laziness strikes everything changes. I’m back to the mediocre me. I feel like I’m stuck in this hopeless situation and hoping that some extra terrestrial powers will change my situation. I know this sound like a big looser but that’s exactly how I feel right now. I don’t know what and where it all went wrong but I just woke up one day and there, a different Richard from the one perhaps the many know.

This sucks big time. My friend Jester told me to ask God to help me find answers. I guess, he is right but I doubt I can do that. I hardly even pray these times. He said I maybe in an early twenties crisis. What the hell is that for?

Anyways, I have a lot of thoughts and things I want to say but I’m afraid I’m too sleepy to type so maybe if I get deeply troubled again one of these days I’ll get to write again. But for now, I just need a drink, take a piss and go to bed. Hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

Night. By the way, I think I’m feeling OK now. Could it be that my calling is to be a writer? Who knows?


One Response to “Early Twenties Crisis”

  1. rhiashiela Says:

    pray, listen, then obey! 🙂

    hehehe, hope you would have a good start by starting to listen to yourself what you really want! 🙂

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