Not Another Longweekend

November 1, 2010

404AM. And I am happy.

I suddenly have reasons to be happy. Good book. Good music, Country Music (http://www.live365.com/index.live). Good conversations. Plus, unconsciously I was able to define my short-term goal for the next three years – to finish masters.

At this point, I am happy I know what I want for the next three years but in the coming weeks I have to decide what to take up and where. As some of you may know, I have started applying to schools and Teaching Assistantship grant as well. My only concern is that I may not be happy with Statistics after all. Yeah, it looks like I’m yet to throw a lot of thinking into this.

But still, I’m overwhelmed with things I should be grateful for. Music and books. Friends and conversations. Long weekend. Thank you Lord.

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Long Weekend

October 25, 2010

I sort of required myself to read at least one book every month which I dodn’t really get to follow. But just now, I came to realize that a Statistics book would be a great steady read for the coming months. So, I’m actually planning to get a copy of the lecture manual of my first Statistics course in UP. Well, that’s after I finish reading this e-book Eat Pray Love.

Couldn’t get enough of books. Books are one of the coolest things ever existed on earth.

What I Hate Most

October 21, 2010

I hate hatred. It’s a feeling that can destroy anyone without him/her knowing it.

I just realize that what I hate the most is the idea (and people) who wants to have it all for free at the expense of others’. I call it ‘wit’ before but now I call it ‘greed’. I am ashamed of myself for trying so hard to be ‘greedy’ and I’m thankful that it is not the very nature of me.

Tatay

June 21, 2010

I lost my Tatay when I was 19 back in 2004. And from that very same day, it has been different.

Tatay’s death has been devastating for everyone especially for Nanay. Just a few months after his death, Nanay started developing different diseases that eventually lead to her loss of sight. Yes, she is now blind.

Trying to remember my fondest memory of my father feels like reliving the things of a different lifetime.

I remember how he carries me on his shoulders piggyback ride from the town plaza when I’m usually too sleepy or tired. I remember him bringing us to the beach really early in the morning in the belief that it eases my breathing whenever my asthma attacks, which I got from him anyway. I remember him teaching me math even before I started schooling which perhaps explains my genius in arithmetic and money. My father used to have a business before he does hallow blocks for a living that is after the former went broke. He is a mathematician and a good investor on his own right. I remember him, out of nowhere, showing me a news paper he kept thru the years, with me on the headline after I won a provincial quiz bee. I felt like he was the proudest Tatay that time. I remember how I helped him one weekend, mixing gravel and cement and making hollow blocks. He told me I could be an engineer someday, directing people and not doing the dirty work. I disagreed but only in my mind. I remember kissing his hand and bidding him goodbye even if he doesn’t approve of me going to UP. Maybe because we are poor and he thinks it is almost impossible. Again, I disagreed only in my mind but I’ve decided I’m going no matter what. I wanted to hug him that time but boys are born never to show their emotions, which later on in life I realize is not true – this was the last time I saw Tatay alive. I remember our phone conversation, he was already in the hospital but he said I don’t have to go home, I have to continue my summer classes and he’s gonna be okay but he was wrong – this was our last conversation. Just weeks after that, that one fine afternoon, out of instinct, I checked my email and there was that mail from a friend, saying Tatay passed away – the email I will keep to this day. Our next meeting was painful, he was already in his coffin.

I cried, sobbed and hated the world but there was just no way he can hear me, Tatay was dead. He died of liver serosis at the age of 56.

I’m thankful I had Tatay for the first 19 years of my life, others’ are worse they lost their fathers really early in life, others have not seen theirs even, just like my Tatay himself. But it doesn’t change the fact that I lived without a father for the last 6 years now. Yes, I believe things have been different had he been alive.

There were days, many days that I wonder what it would be like having my father up to now. I feel like to some extent, I’m not hundred per cent whole. There were missing pieces of me, pieces which were supposed to be filled by him. The longing for a father always has its way to me. I envy people who are close to their Dads. The absence of a father in my teenage years has changed a lot. I never afforded not thinking of how to pay my tuition and not to worry of where to get money for my next meal. As the eldest son, I have to take care of the family. To these days, I’m sending my two siblings to college, which by the way I don’t regret.

I feel deprived of a privilege of having my father see the consequences of my disobedience. I was able to graduate, though it has not been easy. Although it took me awhile, I did. At times, it’s easier to blame my father for all those times I have to worry of where to get my siblings’ tuition and allowances but still I’m just grateful for him together with Nanay raised me the way I am. Although I sent myself to school, by God’s grace there was never a time I went to bed hungry. I pretty much had a normal college life, well, at least almost. I just sometimes wish he is here to see, how just like him, I take pride it providing for our family.

My father’s got neither car nor riches left for us. We don’t even have a complete family picture. But for just being there and for just giving what he thought was best for us: for allowing me to be stubborn and letting me experience the world the way I did, even if I have to be born again, I will still choose my Tatay to be my father. Just being his son is my privilege.

I pray I can make you the proudest Tatay when we meet, again! I love you and happy father’s day!

My Story

February 22, 2010

My story got them. My story got me HP. What’s your story?

– Guanco, 2010

One Month to Live [Day 1]

February 19, 2010

well, yes! all i’ve got is one month to live…

So finally i decided to pick-up and read this book i borrowed from Jannah, it’s called One Month to Live. I’ve been hearing good stuff about this book. how life changing it is and all that. i’ve tried and started reading this book many times before but i always tell myself that someday, if im in the mood or i’ll have the time, i’ll read it. guess what, that someday that i will be in the mood and that someday when i’ll have free time isn’t gonna come, i will always have many activities or i will always be pre-occupied with a lot of stuff to be able to read it. so i decided that that someday, si gonna be today.

the first part of the book is really interesting. it asked me the five things on top of my head that i would want to change in my life, and here are my answers:

  1. spend more time with my family or perhaps show them more often how much i love them
  2. grow again in my relationship with god
  3. to live up right (be in good standing with god)
  4. excel at work and be a friend to people around me
  5. exercise more discipline (time, health and money wise)

the book talks about how we should stop postponing things that we want to do someday and instead do them now. it compares our lives to a roller coaster ride, we all know its gonna end but we couldn’t care less. its like that ride, that you bare know it’s started and the nest thing you know its gone. that is it. you can never rewind.

it talks about how at this very moment seconds pass and we can never regain. i always know that we have a very short life to live and that we should make every moment count. that we should start doing the things we want to do today but somehow it is always more convenient to convince ourselves that someday when everything is OK, we can. but tell you what – that someday is not gonna come, we will always be on the look out for the nest big thing, insatiable. unless you decide to start living it today.

the book made me realize how far my faith, my thinking, my beliefs were from the way it used to be. the book suggests to tell at least one person about this journey i’m about to take and yes i did, teter who told me the same thing when he was reading the same book a few months back. so i’m making a resolve that starting today, i’m living like i only have one month to live.

i listed the things that i keep on postponing to someday,

  • someday i’m gonna spend time with my family
  • someday, i’m gonna go back to god
  • someday, i’m gonna be financially free
  • someday, i’l make friends with my workmates (regardless if i don’t like them)
  • someday, i’m gonna live prosperously
  • someday, i’m gonna enjoy life
  • someday, i’m gonna save money
  • someday, i’m gonna have a lasting impact to other peoples’ lives
  • someday, i’m gonna be famous
  • someday, i’m gonna be rich
  • someday, i’m gonna help other people
  • someday, i’m gonna be the best employee
  • someday, i’m gonna be more socially active and involved
  • someday, i’m going to study in Harvard

that was a long list of my somedays. honestly at this point i don,t know how i’m gonna live them everyday starting today all i have is the ridiculous faith just like David when he brought Goliath down.

i know that all of us would live our lives differently if we know that we only have one month to live. but why wait for that moment when everyday we can live a full life. i encourage you to start writing your somedays too and join me in my journey as i take on my one month to live.

Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away. – Anonymous

Time Off

December 8, 2009

So i took the the whole morning off. I honestly woke up late from reading till 3am. I know, it isn’t being very good employee of me again. But isn’t it sometimes you have misses? So, i’m kinda pissed. I don’t know. On the other hard, I’m kinda happy I had time to finish what I’m reading.

Speaking of reading, it’s really been a while since I last read a book. I think the last was “Princess Masaku – The Crowned Princess of Japan” – which by the way is really very good. I am so in to culture so I really liked the book. Been browsing the net last weekend and was able to download some ebooks. Ebooks for mobile though, so i have to use my fone to read it – awful! But nonetheless, I found some good stuff.

I have Art of War and the likes and haha yes, I also did try some classic.Okay, not really classic but shoot love story. From the pool of those classic books, I picked one. I don’t know because some people hate it when they have read the book and they see it in big screen. For me, it works the other way around though, but not always. The fact that I have seen faces or visual kinda help me understand or perhaps appreciate the story more. I have done this with twilight. I did see it in the big screen first before i get to read the book, and i would say i liked it.

I’ve seen this movie back in high school. My friend Faye, forced us into watching it instead of reviewing for the Quizbee that we later won second. Haha! Yes, we had 10K cash for the three of us, with Elias. It’s worth it. By the way, we weren’t able to finish the whole movie. Our principal, which happens to be Faye’s mom, caught us, Haha! Oh well, I sure would want watching movie, than reviewing. Any movie at that. My point is, i really didn’t like this movie at first. It’s not until this morning that i would want to see the rest of the movie – A Walk To Remember.

Yes- I read that book and just like most of the books i read, I liked it. One thing i liked most about it is the fact that they were Christians. Haha! Yes, Christians always have a place in my heart – a soft spot that is. Then, the setting of the movie – North Carolina. I’ve seen, read, and liked a lot about that place. If ever i go to the states, hopefully by 2011, i’ll make sure I visit that place.

Im feeling OK now but I’m still heightened, if you know what i mean. Ayt! Gtg.

Money Matters

November 20, 2009

Shoot! I just had a money-conversation with one of the financially wise guys in the office, yes, you bet, he is chinese – Bob! Talking to him, i just realized how different the up bringing of us (pure Pinoy) and them (Tsinoy). The way they see money, the way they handle money and their long term plans.

Lately, i’ve been wanting to have a sideline. I was thinking what else can i do aside from my fulltime job. I think i have a lot of free time. Can any one tell me what are the viable sideline? Ideas anyone?

Trying Hard

November 20, 2009

What happens after all the noise, the grooving and the kicking is done? There comes silence. The silence that reminds me that everything is bound to end – that even the good days and the bad ones are not meant to last forever. Well, that is somehow good news. Most of the time, we tend avoid that part, the after party part – when things have been said and done.

Funny how sometimes after the hype you suddenly have the urge to just spend sometime alone. And i dunno, just play with your thoughts. I hate the fact that it could have been a good friday and i turned out into a boring weekend. It sucks that this day would turn out this bad after looking forward to this the whole week. Haha!

I’m trying to write but i just can’t make sense of things! Not a writing friday definitely!

 

Friday Shit!

November 20, 2009

I dunno. Its Friday and there is nothing left to do. This is such a boring Friday. Ahaha! :p